Crystal Bowersox is hospitalized. Ellen is hilarious. Kara is wearing a bathrobe and a brass chandelier chain. This . . . is American Idol.
This dude is his own episode of Glee. He's going to take on James Brown, which I think is a great move if it works. Let's listen . . . it's okay. He's playing it really mild, especially for a song punctuated with long instrumental interludes. You really have to tear through that with a voice like thunder, not pad it with velvet. We got the ginormous Velveteen Rabbit. Randy loved it. I just kind of liked it. Odds of Leaving: 5 to 1
I like "Gravity." I'm not sure he's got the soul to deliver it. He does, however, have a wardrobe Simon can be proud of. This is really a duplicate of the first performance of the night but to lesser effect. He sang it so nice and melodious, but that song should rip a little. Maybe the problem with it is that the song is really a song John Mayer sings to himself, and Park was trying to sing it to . . . someone, I don't know. Odds of Leaving: 3 to 1
Casey bought and restored his own house? And he can play guitar well? Unless the secret inside the box is Gwyneth Paltrow's head, I don't see how this guy doesn't cruise to the top 5. I'll just say this: I think my wife is more jealous of how I feel about Casey than she's ever been about a female. Pretty funny watching Kara give him her Charlie's-flight-review-of-Maverick routine. She sees real genius in his performance, but she can't show that in there or everyone in that room will know that she's fallen for him. But I'm sure her critique was right on in her opinion. Odds of Leaving: No no.
This kid is "Aw Shucks" personified. And he's the third of the first four to go really soulful . . . but he's the very first to absolutely nail it. He mulletized John Legend to perfection. Oh, man, this is the first performance of the season that I've actually been excited about. His voice sounds unique and strong and smooth. Very cool. Standing, snarkless ovation. Odds of Leaving: Holy crap, I hope not.
A brief intermission here. I miss Paula. She'd be crying and standing and rambling.
Todrick's asking the Turneresque question about what love has to do with it, and the answer is . . . not a whole lot. I'm not in love with a performance that takes an extremely catchy song and turns it into a greased pig. I just now listened to this guy sing, and I can't even remember how it sounded. Odds of Leaving: 5 to 2
Wow, who proclaimed this soul week? And who scalped Bobby Brown and put his hair on Jermaine? And what psycho, bow-tie-wearing fool coached Jermaine to butcher the arrangement of "What's Going On?" I'll tell you what's going on, Jermaine, you sound like you're auditioning to be the crown prince of elevator music. I'm actually too bored to yawn. Odds of Leaving: Really, really good
Who knew Andy Garcia was a breakdancer? Anyway, he's singing a James Morrison song, and I have no idea how it normally sounds, so the changes mean nothing to me. But I do like how it sounds. Although he lost the energy for a little while, he still seems to have a good sense of what he's doing up there. He's a great singer, but . . . I don't know. I was a bit bored by the end of it. Kara's advice is no advice, which is massively annoying. Dude just needs to pick a good song and sing it well. Not rocket science. Odds of Leaving: 15 to 1
Will this show never end? Aaron's growing a facial hair. He's singing rather well about his girl, but I don't believe for a second that he has a girl or that he's ever so much as faced a temptation. The performance is a waste because it's nothing. He's just singing. And who knew the Vienna Boys Choir kid would have trouble with the falsetto? Odds of Leaving: 8 to 1 and in bed by 9
Tim's singing a song that I like so much, I hesitate to even listen to him sing it. But he's not bombing. I just can't imagine this guy making it very much farther. I also can't get over how much he resembles Rod Blagojevich if he were a Brady. I think that might be the best he can do. The problem is, it's not a very challenging song to begin with, and he dialed it back from the original. Odds of Leaving: I don't know. Do people think he's cute? Is he the Vote for the Worst guy?
I don't really want to hear a guy sing about an "angel" who makes him want to cheat on his wife. That doesn't make me want to vote for him. It makes me want to punch him in the face. He sang well. He needs a belt. Whatever. Odds of Leaving: Meh.