Idol is down to 12, the absolutely wrong dozen contestants. America didn't get all 12 wrong, but they let enough losers through that we'll have to watch some pretty awful performances of otherwise good songs, beginning with the Rolling Stones songbook.
"Miss You," is barely recognizable in Big Mike's hands, although in more of a Witness Protection sense than in an OMG, Britney Shaved Her Head kind of way. He's definitely creating his own sound, and I don't think any performer is going to step on his territory: very important, as we probably learned from Lilly's blend-in-with-the-alt-rock-folk early exit. Not a memorable performance, but not regrettable either. Odds of going home: 13 to 1
Weak start. Pay attention, Idol contestants: you cannot wait for the big notes to sing well. If your song starts out soft, you still have to sing strong, on-key, and passionately. If you don't, you'll miss the emotion, and you might (like Didi did) forget the words. You are, forgive me, "Playing with Fire," and Randy is smokin' weed. She forgot the words. She missed the biggest note and all the small ones. Boo. Odds of going home: 5 to 1
Aw, we get a look at the family of hotness. We also get to hear Casey open up his vocals a little bit, and he sounds his usual awesome self. Again, he's not blowing you away with how good he sings, but he's still performing like a rock deity. He sounds like Bob Seeger (again) and looks much, much better. Odds of going home: 1 in a million
"Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday," . . . always a risk to sing a song that features the word goodbye too prominently. Lacey is so odd in her performance because I can't really tell if she's missing the notes on purpose. The line between jazzy and sloppy is fuzzy. Speaking of jazzy, sloppy, and fuzzy, those seem to be the three outfits she couldn't decide between. Someone should really make her pick just one before going out on stage. Odds of going home: 9 to 2
Andy's pops thought he'd be a custodian? Let's hope he can clean up the mess the last couple weeks have become. Don't shoot me, this thing feeds on word play, sometimes I have to give it junk food. He's singing "Give Me Shelter," and not in his typical, Hey, I'm gonna turn this into an impromptu coffeehouse acoustic track style. The good news, he finally did something with his voice we hadn't heard yet. The bad news, I kind of miss the wannabe "Straight Up" performances. But it was alright. Odds of going home: 7 to 1
I thought Katie deserved to go home last week, and the producers certainly didn't do her any favors assigning her the Rolling Stones. I like her choice of "Wild Horses," though the irony could come back to bite her. Or drag her away. But at least she got the chance to justify her choice before singing. And look at that, she gave her best performance EV-er. I don't know if it's enough to save her (again with the rough beginning) but I think people will remember her enough to call a little bit. Odds of going home: 347 to 46
"Under My Thumb" goes reggae? I would normally scoff at this from an Idol contestant, but I give Tim credit for playing with the arrangement that much. His vocals are still so gosh-darn stinkin' golly straight-laced, I feel like the Men's Choir sent their vice president to reggae night at . . . church. I don't know. It wasn't great, but it wasn't the complete train wreck I expected it to be. Still, it didn't scream, "Bring Tim Back!!!" Or even whisper it all that briskly. Odds of going home: 4 to 1
"Paint it Black." I want Siobhan to stick around as long as possible just to give me a chance to figure out what the rock is going on with this girl. Just as I try to compile some kind of formula on her, she sings one of her amnesia notes and I can't remember the rest of the song or the previous half hour of my life. She's like the film, The Red Balloon. What's going on? I don't know. I can neither remember it nor forget it. Odds of going home: Grey
I feel cold and soulless, but these stories mean nothing to me tonight. His performance of "Beast of Burden," is pretty good, though. He's got me debating which is tougher to cultivate: singing the right notes or singing with that sandpapery, hey, sweetie, the coffee's brewing texture he's got going. It was funny how they cut from a shot of Randy saying "dope" to one of Lee's gaping mouth. With Ellen on here, I feel like I'm wasting my time. That song almost came together like a hospital gown . . . priceless. Odds of going home: 13 to 1
We now reach the hardcore fraud part of the evening. Or so I thought. Paige's elimination-defying votes came on a massive debt of ear-worthy notes, and I think she covered the balance tonight. She did strike out on the opening phrase, and she wasn't consistent, but she finally showed she can sing a little bit. I don't like the laryngitis shtick, but here we are. Odds of going home: 7 to 1
He's adopted. Okay, this story found what's left of my soul I think. He's singing, "Angie," and he's got a fauxhawk going on, like when Jonathan Taylor Thomas wanted us to take him seriously. I can't do that for this performance. I wish this kid would lose the sweet, simmering romantic act and bring some energy, because I just can't buy this little boy as a serious, brooding love song singer. Odds of going home: 6 to 1 (Honestly, it's probably closer to 1 trillion to 1, because this kid is getting Justin Biebered.)
"You Can't Always Get What You Want," plays regularly in my house to curb little-kid whining. I say that because I don't have much to say about this one. Crystal was her typical rocking self. She's good. Odds of going home: Ohio
Are we just saying goodbye to one this week? I guess I expect Andrew, Tim, and Didi to be our bottom three, and Tim has reggaed his last rolling stone.