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Saturday, March 07, 2009

Monopoly: Beginner's Luck Edition



I played Monopoly (Cubs Edition) with Addison today. Yes, a full game of Monopoly that took entirely too little time to complete. There was no cheating, no fudging, no grace.

Addison smoked my sorry behind.

It broke down like this: Addison never drew a single Chance or Community Chest (Home Jersey or Away Jersey in the Cub Edition) that made him pay money. Every single card he drew either transported him to safety or earned him money. I got all the "you pay" cards. He then proceeded to gobble up Boardwalk and Park Place (Billy Williams and Alfonso Soriano) in his first two trips around the board. Then he bought all four railroads (bases), and I subsequently drew the card requiring me to advance to the nearest railroad and pay the owner twice what he was entitled ($400).

I was completely bankrupt within the hour, going broke on Baltic Avenue (Kerry Wood) of all places. It was the single most embarrassing Monopoly performance of my life. I'd like to say I was a good sport, that I was proud of my son for playing like a man. But in truth, I hated it. It was ridiculous. I had never seen such luck, and I kinda resented the fact that it fell on Addison at my expense. I may have gotten a bit angry if I wasn't still laughing at him calling it "Monny Polly" and his other in-game antics. But here was the best part.

At one point in the game, Addison was dancing in typical goofy fashion . . . a sort of line dance that carried him back and forth in a straight line . . . left, right, left, right. I asked him if he had to take a bathroom break, but he flatly responded (without breaking his rhythmic pacing):

"No, I'm just moving to the beat of 'We Will Rock You' (which wasn't playing)."

But in his head, it was playing. And I had blood on my face, a big disgrace, and he was kicking my can all over the place.

Oh, and I almost forgot. At one point, Addison turns to me and goes, "This game is hard for you." Gotta love the smack talk.

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